Moving this blog to WordPress

Check out my new digs.

This blog and all of it's content will stay up. I've moved all the post and most of the comments over to WordPress. Since installing Intense Debate for my commenting system, it's been one problem after another.

I've talked about moving back to WordPress for months, and finally decided to just do it.
It's not setup exactly the way I want yet, but that's ok. I still need to switch my feedburner feed for those of you subscribed through there. You won't need to do anything.

Edited to add: I'm having problems with feedburner. You may want to go on and sign up to receive email updates on the new blog.

See you over there!

The Mahogany Way on WordPress.

Spanking Is A Lazy Form of Discipline

Today is National Spank Out Day. I know spanking is a lazy discipline method because we used to spank.

When Kiah was 2. Looking back I feel terrible. Throughout my parenting journey I learned that children do not do things to manipulate us.
Thinking back, she was doing what every other two year old does.....being two!

Children don't come into this world with motives to trick us into taking care of them.

CHILDREN ARE INHERENTLY GOOD!

Up until about age five, I think it's very hard for a child to express themselves. Even after that age, as I'm learning with my now seven year old.

I've said this before....it's hard for adults to find the words to express ourselves sometimes. We have a hard time dealing with anger and disappointment, yet we expect a child to know how to handle those same emotions. Discipline means to disciple, and that means to teach.
It is our job as parents to help our children learn how to deal with those overwhelming emotions.

We're showing them how to deal by hitting them. Make no mistake, spanking is hitting. You wouldn't want your grown child to stay in a relationship with someone who is hitting them would you? Then why do we hit them when they are young and say it's out of love? That message doesn't even sound right.

Then there's the argument "Children are not adults" That is absolutely correct.
Children are not adults, but they are human beings like you and I.

That means they should be treated with the same respect you would show another human being.

I know how easy it is for your first reaction to be to seat at your child. Especially if that's the way you were raised.

Hitting when your child hits another child, or you, and then saying "we don't hit" sends the wrong message.

Kids aren't being spanked for their emotions either. Babies as young as 8 months old get a swat on the hand or butt for touching something their parents told them not to.

Spanking doesn't help to solve the problem. It helps to create one. Children learn to be sneaky so they don't get caught and then spanked. It immediately shuts down the lines of communication. It creates distrust between the parent and child.

Talking with your kids about their feelings and explaining is a great form of discipline. It's not always easy, and you can't reason with a 2yr old.

What do I do when I'm reaching that breaking point with my kids? I've yelled, and that's not a good discipline tool either. More and more I'm learning to breathe, and walk away for a few minutes if I need to. It's not always easy, but it's easier now than it was 5 years ago when I started.

I made the decision to take spanking out of my parenting tool box. I'm glad I did. I still get frustrated with my kids, but now I have better tools to use with them.

I started by learning about normal child behavior. I read up on alternatives to spanking. I asked questions to friends that didn't spank. I made the decision to stop spanking.

Here is a link with articles to alternative discipline methods.

Please know that I'm not preaching to anyone. As I said, I used to spank. I still yell, and have a several other not so great parenting qualities. I'm speaking from experience. I see how much better my relationship is with my children since making the decision to stop spanking.

Mama's Timeout

As mother's we're often busy taking care of everyone else, and rarely do we take the time to do something for ourselves. It can be 30 minutes - or two hours. Taking this time recharges my soul, and helps me to be a better mother. Link your blog post or photo in the comments to the mama's timeout you took for yourself this week

******

As important as it is for me to take time for myself, it's equally as important to spend time together as a family.
After a really long, but fun filled day, I thought it would be nice to grab a bite to eat together.

Pizza Hut was right around the corner, so that's where we went.
It was nice spending time with the family, but also a quick reminder of why we don't do restaurants with the kids very often.....they just aren't made for sitting still!

Thankfully, it wasn't crowded, and there were other families with children.
It was a great ending to the day.

Were you able to take some time for yourself this week?

Thursday Talk: Perfection Not Required

I decided to bring back Thursday Talk. I like the idea of having a dedicated day of the week to share my deep thoughts.

I keep having these thoughts swirling around in my head. After my post last week on Being Good Enough, you all left such lovely and understanding comments, and sent thoughtful emails. I really appreciate that. I blog for you as much as I do for myself.

It's therapeutic, and it feels great to know there's a community of mothers around the world that have the same ups and downs that I do.

I realized that part of the reason I've been feeling so down on myself lies within my own mind.

Motherhood is no easy task. It makes and breaks you over and over. It challenges thoughts that you held near and dear before becoming a mother. All those "I'll never" get shut down real quick.

All you hear about motherhood when your pregnant is how wonderful it is. How you'll enjoy rocking your baby, and doing your toddlers hair. No one tells you that you'll question your very existence on an almost daily basis. No one tells you that you'll compare yourself to other moms, or that you'll feel like a failure.

You don't hear about how you can love this tiny person so much one moment, and then want to lose it on them the next.
No one talks about the darker, more challenging side of motherhood. The sleepless nights, stressing over party plans, comforting them when a friend no longer wants to be their friend. Triple checking every single decision you make.

When I became a mother at the age of 25 I was flawed, and now at the age of 32, three kids later, I'm still flawed. I yell. I get annoyed with the crying and the whining. I get upset with myself for my short temper.

I can't help but laugh when friends tell me I was made for motherhood. They tell me how gentle and patient I am with my kids, and how I make mothering three children look so easy.

I do not see that person they see.
The mother I see is often on the brink of losing it, scrambling to come up with dinner, running late, and feeling so not put together.

Sometimes I have pity parties(hard to believe right?)and think of all the wrong things I've said and done along my mothering journey. It's a long list.
Then I think of all the times my children have forgiven me, all the times we've sat and talked about ways that I could've handled things differently. That's something I didn't have with my mom. So I must be doing something right.

My kids still hug me, tell me they love me, and enjoy being with me. We genuinely enjoy each others company. That is a great feeling!

I've learned a lot over these last 7.5yrs of motherhood, and I know there's so much more to learn.

Thanks to my kids. I now know true forgiveness and unconditional love.
They don't care that my hair isn't perfect, or that gnomes snuck into my closet and shrunk my clothes.

They don't care that all of their clothes aren't name brand, or handknit. They aren't looking for their food to be organic, or have freshly hand rolled pasta for spaghetti. Those are things that I want for them. The truth is, that I'm doing what I can with what we have to work with.

I was upset about not having a garden, I'm planting one this year. I want them to have more handmade items from me, I'm going to do it.
They don't require perfection, so why should I? They require my love, time, and attention.
All I can do is try, and grow, and learn along the way.