My Breastfeeding Story. Part One

The whole month of August is dedicated to breastfeeding. I would like to share my story with you.
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I knew I wanted to breastfeed when I found out I was pregnant. I prepared myself, but I think we could have gone longer if I had a better support system.
Of course I had my friends and my midwife, and family. I know your thinking "you had a lot!" And I did, but I was also surrounded by a lot of formula feeding. I think had I prepared myself better, I would've been confident in my decision to not introduce formula at all. I read What to Expect When Your Expecting. I don't recommend that book at all. I do recommend The Baby Book
by the Sears Family.

Nakiah latched well from the beginning. The problem I had was getting the nipple in her mouth. I had the hardest time finding a comfortable position to nurse in. She was taken to the NICU an hour after birth and kept there over night. Her birth was traumatic. She was blue and limp, and the had to resuscitate her. Even after she was checked out, I wasn't the first to hold my baby. My friend had to ask loudly for them to let me hold my baby. I held her for 10-15 mins and then she was taken to the NICU. I told the nurses to call my room when she was ready to eat. That's exactly what they did. I walked down the hall several times a night to sit and nurse my newborn.
It was new to us and I enjoyed it so much. Charles would come down with me too. At the end of our nursing session we would all sit and cuddle.
We would place Nakiah back in her crib and we would go back to our room.

I was so excited when they brought her into my room early in the morning. The Lactation Consultant came by for a visit. She helped me practice several comfortable positions and holds to nurse in. I didn't feel completely confident about breastfeeding at that time, but I figured I would in time.
I did become more confident and comfortable as time went on. She had her first bottle of pumped milk at six weeks old. She didn't take to it very well. I don't think she liked the nipple.
I thought if I wanted to go out and be free I needed to use formula.

I was tired of sitting in the bathroom to nurse Nakiah. I was tired of using dressing rooms in the mall, and covering with a blanket in the car.
I also wanted Charles to be able to feed her. We were both crushed when she wouldn't take the bottles of formula or breast milk from him.
I started freezing it and she would take a bottle every now and then, but only an ounce or two.

When she was around 6 weeks old she developed baby acne. I noticed it getting worse and worse. It becoming very red and it was all over her face. We took her to the Dr and she told us it was eczema. She told us to use all free/clear detergent, use all cotton clothing on her. If we weren't wearing cotton we needed to use a cotton burp cloth between us to hold her. I couldn't even have skin to skin with my baby anymore because the heat from our bodies would cause the eczema to flare up.

I tried this routine plus the cortisone cream and the Aquaphor baby wash and moisturizer. We did this for 6 weeks, but she continued to have these flare ups. I finally looked online about eczema and babies. I read about how they could be allergic to the foods we eat. dairy, eggs, wheat.

Breastfeeding does reduce the risk of allergies, but it wasn't so in our case. Breastfeeding and Food Allergies We have a history of asthma in our family on both sides. Both of my children were allergic to dairy, nuts, eggs.
I researched online and came upon the Elimination Diet
Within a matter of days we noticed her flare ups were less and less, she stopped scratching as much. Her skin began to heal as the weeks went by.
A lot of people said they couldn't believe what I was doing and I should just give her formula full time. I couldn't do it, I didn't want to. There were things I couldn't eat, but I wanted to nurse over eating pizza. I knew breast milk was still the best for her.

Over a few months her skin cleared up and we nursed at home and friends houses and I would use formula when we were out.
She never loved it, but she drank it. It was Similac Alimentum. Oh, and her Ped who I loved, said that there was no way her eczema was related to what I was eating.
I went with my gut on that one. I'm glad I did.

I remember the day she weaned. I wasn't expecting it. She was 10 months old. We were at home and she had been fussy for a while. I tried everything, she didn't want a nap, no bottle, no fruit, nothing. I finally offered to nurse her, and she did for about 5 mins. She climbed down, walked off and played with her toys. Later that night when she normally would've nursed to sleep, she kept refusing. She went to sleep in my arms while I rocked her.
I wish I had known about all of the different types of baby carriers on the market. The Evenflo frontpack only worked up to a certain weight.

From that night on she never nursed again. I wasn't expecting it and I was heart broken.
I later learned that it may have been a nursing strike

To this day I still remember how she would look while she was nursing. She would make a fist and hold it at her side. She would look at me with her big brown eyes and those long black eye lashes.

She reminds me several times a week "when I was a baby, I got ni-ni's like Ava"
I love it when she gives her babies ni-ni's.
I am so grateful for our 10 month breastfeeding relationship.

Good Times

It has been crazy around my house this past week. I love it and it annoys me at times. Hubby's gone at least 10hrs a day sometimes. It's good because the girls and I are getting back into our routine.

I realize how much I miss him being here on his days off. I used to get upset about the girls being thrown off of their routine. We would spend his days off arguing because I wasn't being me. HA!

Now we enjoy it as a family. There are days where I get nothing done around the house. The girls are getting older and they want me to play with them, and they also like to help me with things around the house.

I have helpers for everything, making juice in the morning, cracking the eggs for breakfast. Wiping the tables, laundry, the only thing I don't get help with is vaccuming. Instead they are on the couch with their baby.

Right now they are in the backyard playing in the mud. They have been out there for 2 hours! Can you believe it? I check on them and they've come to the door once. They are making mud balls . They are having fun and I'm watching NCIS, blogging, checking email. Preparing myself for the bath that is to come once they're done. Imagine that!

I want to live there.

Nakiah says that to me at least once a day. It could be an island getaway she sees in the magazine, or a commercial. The other day we were watching The 2nd Jungle Book movie. She loves the music on it, and will usually watch it back to back. So she's watching and she says "Mommy I want to live there" I think I understand what it is she's saying. I remember when The Little Mermaid came out. I was about 10-12 I think. We had a pool in our backyard and that summer I would swim around in that pool pretending I was a mermaid. I would pray and beg God to turn me into a mermaid. There was something so magical about her world that I wanted to live there.

I think that's how Nakiah feels. She sees all of these places in books, magazines, on TV and she wants to live there. She wants to experience this world it is that she sees right in front of her.
Sometimes I wish I could transport us to these places she wants to live. I would love to explore them with her!
Instead we talk about why she wants to live in these places. Sometimes it's the house she likes, or the character, it could be because of the animals or the flowers. It's about the princesses, and the glitter, the wands, the island and it's beautiful blue waters. There are so many reasons she wants to live in these places. I love these conversations with her.
I love hearing about my little girls dreams.
I told her that we can build some of these places ourselves.
She would like to start with a castle. She loves to be a princess. I was thinking every so often we can put up pictures and decorate their playroom in these various places she wants to live.
I'm not the super crafty, but I get the job done. If anyone has ideas, please do share.

Wordless Wednesday. Can I help you?

The girls playing store at our old house in Minnesota.

Winner of the Suave Giveaway

Dee is our winner of the Shower Yourself Beautiful Giveaway. Congratulations Dee! Your gift is in the mail.
Enjoy pampering yourself with these great products!

Thanks to all who participated. My first giveaway was so much fun and I think a great success.
I may start another blog just for giveaways because I had so much fun with this one.
Now I get to make my rounds reading all of the blogs of those who entered :)

I hope everyone has a great week!

Suave Giveaway & Review!

Hello all! Welcome to my first giveaway. This past week I've had the opportunity to try several wonderful products from Suave. Their Body wash and lotions. They smell divine and have left my skin soft, and smelling yummy!
Lets not forget how affordable their products always have been. My personal favorites are the Apricot Exfoliating body wash and the Cocoa Butter with Shea body lotion. I love the smell of the body wash and the lotion, the combination of these two had me silky smooth, hydrated my skin, and smelling good all day.
My girls loved the Cherry Blossom body wash. They said it smelled like a girl and it looked pretty.

As a woman and a mother I believe it's important to make time for ourselves everyday.
Shower Yourself Beautiful with Suave this Summer!




Now you have the chance to win the same great bundle.

Apricot Exfoliating body wash

Wild Cherry Blossom body wash

Ocean Breeze body wash

Advanced Therapy body lotion

Cocoa Butter with Shea body lotion

How do you win? It's very simple. Become a follower, if you are already a follower your comments count for two points, if you just signed up you get one point. Comment and let me know your following. Please make sure you have an email address. That is how you the lucky winner will be notified.
The winner will have 24hrs to accept, and if not another winner will be chosen.
You can enter everyday from now through Monday 12pm EST.

Have a great weekend!

Live Blogging. August 11th

Good Morning! I'm going to give this live blogging a try. I'll update throughout the day. Man I wish I had a camera. Yes I'm still crying about mine. I've been looking online for a new one. I want a pretty pink one.

9am.

The girls are watching Super Why and I'm getting ready to make pancakes.

So far this morning I've checked email, and that's it, lol.

We're going to try to get to the park right after breakfast. It's going to be another scorcher today.

Can you believe our pool is only open Thurs-Sun. That sucks.

1:15pm
Getting ready to fix lunch. Still not sure what we're having.
We didn't make it to the park either, it's really really hot out there. Instead the girls watched some TV and played out in the backyard.
Nakiah helped me take the clothes out of the dryer. Ava helped me fold them.
They have played with their kitchen set and changed clothes twice already.

3pm

The girls are running through the hall chasing each other. Jumping on the bed, doing flips on the bed. I love the sound of their playing. Sometimes the noise can be a bit much, but today it's good.

I'm also sitting here trying to figure out how to get my first giveaway started. So I'll post about it here. I have my 1st upcoming giveaway coming up this week.

Who? Suave!

Oh yea, and little diva is dropping her naps. I can't take it. I really need her to nap during the day and she hasn't for the past week. I think she did once last weekend, but that was it. What am I going to do? I always looked forward to that 90 minutes of quite. Nakiah would watch a video, or we would read books. I could surf the net w/out being poked at or climbed on every 5 minutes.

*Sigh* such is life.

TTYL

8:20pm
Hubby took the girls out for a bike ride. I made chili and cornbread for dinner. It was SO good. Even the girls said so.
I talked about Ava dropping her nap, well she took one today from 3-5:30 and Nakiah took one too! I had to wake them up. I'm sure they'll be up a while tonight. It's crazy, the day we wake up early(8am) and they don't nap until way late in the day.
They're back and I hear crying....I wonder what happened this time.

Marriage Monday. For better or Worse

I am so grateful to my husband, Charles. He has really been there for me over the last 8 months. I have been on an emotinal roller coaster mentally. We now know what those vows "for better or worse" mean. I was a mess some days. There were days I couldn't do much of anything. He would take the girs out for a few hours to give me time to myself. I would sleep, watch tv, read, surf the net.

Then there were the days I would wake up and be on the war path all day. I wasn't myself and he stood by me, even when I pushed him away, or refused his help.

I know I was hard to live with. I was losing my faith. I felt hopeless, sometimes I isolated myself.

Through it all Charles has been my rock. He has seen me at my absolute worse.

I couldn't have made it without him.

Over the past month the dark clouds have lifted and I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I am hopeful again and I'm discovering who I am. I'm so glad I have my wonderful husband to share in the better part of this journey.

We've come through this dark period in my life, and we're stronger for it.

p.s. I want to thank all of you for reading and commenting on my Marriage Monday posts. It means a lot to me that you get something out of my own experiences, and what I have to say.

Follow Friday. PhD In Parenting

Today I have chosen PhD In Parenting. I enjoy reading this blog. She explains Attachment Parenting so well. While I know attachment parenting can look different in every home, I enjoy the view from her world. What I really like about this blogger, is that it's not all or nothing. Her blog is thought provoking and I hope you will enjoy reading.

Toddlers & Tantrums

Yesterday afternoon the girls were sitting at the computer playing some games. Nakiah decided she wanted to watch a movie, so Ava has the computer all to herself. This is rare.

Our computer has been running a bit slow lately, but I didn't realize how slow until Ava's meltdown. She's usually the one telling Nakiah to give it a minute and let it load up.

I was in the kitchen and I hear Ava start whining, that quickly escalates into full blown screaming and crying. I look up and see Ava sliding out of the computer chair, and onto the floor. She picks herself back p and slides her body across the computer desk. Screaming "it's not loading up!" the entire time. I said Ava it's been really slow, we have to give it a minute.

A few seconds later the game has loaded up and Ava looks at me with tears still in her eyes "see mommy it loaded up!"

I don't think Nakiah looked up once from her movie. I suppose Ava's meltdowns have become so frequent that even Nakiah can tell the difference in her cries.

I also can see why Ava was so upset. She is teaching herself how to use the mouse and she gets upset when she can't figure out how to click correctly all the time. We aren't allowed to help her unless she asks us. I did that once and she let me know that my help was not wanted.

Plus she had the computer all to herself. Like I said before, that is rare. She probably thought big sister would come back and want to take turns again.

She was very happy once she calmed down. She sat there rolling the ball, moving the mouse all over the screen.

Nakiah continued to watch her movie and I went back into the kitchetn to finish lunch.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll survive raising two spirited girls.

Marriage Monday. Radical Acceptance.

Radical acceptance is a concept from psychologist Marsha Linehan but it is something I find helpful for general mental health and certainly for dealing with those we love, those we love who make us crazy.

"freedom from suffering requires ACCEPTANCE from deep within of what is. Let yourself go completely with what is. Let go of fighting reality. ACCEPTANCE is the only way out of hell. Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to ACCEPT the pain. Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is. To ACCEPT something is not the same as judging it good."

http://soulselfhelp.on.ca/radicalacceptancefreedom.html

One of the things I love best about being in my mid-40s is that I am much more aware of how life is, rather than how life should be. How I am, rather than how I should be. And certainly how others are more than how they should be. People are human. They are fallible, they are troubled, they procrastinate, they say one thing and mean another, they forget, they are late, they don't see things my way, they can't see their own issues, they judge, they sweat the small stuff. This seems to be the human condition. If you can only love perfect humans, or accept your own perfect self, you sentence yourself to a life of disatisfaction and pain.

Linehan's work grew out of a lot of experience working with victims of abuse. Acceptance is not about judging. Of course their are behaviors that are not healthy and if someone in your life is making choices you do not have to support those choices but accepting that those are their choices to make actually allows you to make your own, empowered choices.

Radical acceptance is an exericise. It requires practice. If you are can learn to identify your own resistance, your own suffering than it becomes easier to breath into acceptance. As you practice, you learn how to empower yourself with acceptance.

This week- Consider those things that you hate about yourself, about your spouse or about your marriage. Face the facts. Look at the truth without passing judgement, just acknowledging what is. What about your spouse are you having a hard time accepting? How much energy do you spend resisting it? What about yourself could you accept as true so that you are more open to accepting those around you? What if this is exactly how life is and all we can do is move forward from here? What are you afraid will happen if you practice acceptance? How can accepting what is true in life be dangerous and how can it be freeing?

Marriage Monday is written by Maureen Campion of Parenting Oasis in Minnesota.

I'll come back and add my thoughts later.

Edit on 8/4/09

I love the concept of radical acceptance. I think it goes hand in hand with unconditional love.

I will admit that during our first year of marriage, I really tired to change Charles. I was trying to mold him into this person my friends thought he should be and a person I thought he should be.

I loved him the way he was and I married him, so there shouldn't have been a problem. I'm not sure what I was thinking back then. Maybe I wasn't and that was part of the problem.

I can honestly say that over the last two years of our marriage I have changed. I have learned to accept the things about him that I don't really like. He accepts those same things about me. It's a work in progress, so sometimes we may get really annoyed and waste our energy. There is no use in being upset about something you can't change, and you can't change anyone.

Hair

I've been debating a while on what to do with my hair. I get lots of compliments online and in person on my hair. I usually smile and say thank you. If someone asks I tell them it's a wig.

People are always shocked. I take that as a compliment, because that means it looks real.

I've always loved hair weave. I love being able to change my hair whenever I want. some of my friends used to call me the weave queen.

I've worn it all, long, short, curly, straight,red,blonde,brown,black,burgundy. I LOVE playing with different hairstyles.

I've had my own hair worn in a short do and dyed it red. Looking back I wish I had embraced that style more. I liked it. I was worried about what others thought, and some people didn't like it. I was young and that was a time when I deeply cared about what others thought of me.

I'm so glad I've grown and matured.

My favorite style by far is micro braids. I love them. I've also worn those with the wet and wavy style, and also the stright. In red and blonde, though not at the same time.

I do have a picture in my mind of getting mircos again and having a reddish brown on top and a brownish blonde on the bottom.

I haven't had a perm/relaxer in 4-5 years. I've done the big chop twice.

My most recent big chop was last winter.

I look at my girls and although doing their hair is trying sometimes, I love their hair.

I had to stop family from saying Ava has good hair. I don't want my girls growing up with that stereotype.

Both of my girls have good hair. I can braid Nakiah's and because it's super thick like mine, it will hold for a while.

Ava's hair is thinner and while it's easier to braid, hers needs to be redone in a matter of days.

So I'm not just looking into locs and twists for me, but for the girls too.

I'm thinking twists are the way to go for them because I can take them out and do a different style with their hair.

I found several videos on you tube showing me how to do twits and locs.

I even did several twists in my own hair the other day, and I left them for 2 days. I didn't even use any gel, and I didn't comb my hair before either, so now I see how locs start. It was very intersting.

I'm not sure I want the permanent look of locs either. Like I said before, I love to change of my style, so I suppose twists would be the way for me to go.

The girls also love to run around the house with my wigs on. I give them my old wigs and they use them when playing dress up.

Nakiah loves to have her hair braided most of the time these days because the neighbors girls have their hair braided. Not all the time, but alot of them time. They are 5 and 6.

Nakiah just sees the long hair with beads and she doesn't understand that hair has been added, and these girls also have relaxers in their hair.

She sees my hair, and knows what the wigs are.

I wish my hair had never been permed. The chemicals do damage to adult hair, so can you imagine what they do to childrens hair?

You know the same ingredient use in those relaxers is used in Nair and Veet. Yea, no thanks.

Charles and I have both agreed that we will not put relaxers in their hair, and we won't add any hair to theirs. We haven't decided on an age, but it will be their decision when they are older.

For now we want to teach them how to take care of these beautiful heads of hair God gave them.

I wasn't taught or really shown how to take care of my hair in it's natural state, so I'm learning as I go along.

Hopefully the girls will continue to love thier in it's natural state forever.

As for me, I'm just now learning to love my hair as it is. I have alopecia in certain spots.

I'm looking into homemade recepies to help the hair grow back. Thankfully they are small spots, but still.

Money is tight and that's another reason I'm wanting to take care of our hair at home. When things get better we can spend that money on shopping :)