I’ve come to a realization recently. I’m at this place where I’m just getting by and I’m sick of it.
There are so many things I want to do and maybe that is part of my problem? I want to do ALL the things and I can’t. Actually, I could, but at what cost? Time with my kids, relationships, my health and sanity?
Am I wrong for wanting more? When I say more, I’m not necessarily referring to money and material things, but does wanting more make me ungrateful? Am I becoming one of those people who is always looking for the next best thing?
Just getting by has been my comfort zone but I’m not so comfortable with it anymore.
I realize I’m frustrated with myself. I want different results, I want to grow, I want to be and do better, but the unknown is a little scary, and patience is not one of my strong suits.
I ike a pretty picture and beautiful happy ending as much as the next person, but if I can be honest, I’m over the perfectly curated feeds and shallow “connections” we keep splattering all over social media. Over the years I have made connections with people from all over, so I’m not saying it can’t be done. I have a problem with what social media has turned into - how many likes and followers a person has. Not a single one of us has a perfect life, so why are we so intent on trying to portray that we do? Nothing wrong with pretty pics and sharing highlights of our lives. I do it! But I’ve been asking myself why that is? The number one reason for me is fear of rejection. I’ve shared my thoughts and deepest fears only to have people I trust turn around and use them against me. It has made me very distrusting of people in general.
In many areas of my life I truly don’t worry about what someone else might think, who’s support I have and who’s I don’t, but this space gets me. It’s my baby. Something I created from nothing and over the years and across various networks, a brand and community was built. It has brought amazing opportunities my way and supported me financially. I didn’t set out for it to happen but it has, and 10 years later I’m still blown away by it.
I believe more than ever people are looking for real connections. They need to see our imperfections sometimes. It makes us relateable and lets them know they aren’t alone. Still, I’m frustrated because there’s only so much I can do with what I have and where I am at the moment. I’m not 100% sure of how to get from where I am to where I want to go, but the thought of staying the same makes me physically ill.
No more hiding. No more self-sabotage. No more excuses.